Life As I See It

Imagine: Waking up to a world where you no longer know who you are. You do as you are told, not because it's right; not because it advances you in life but solely because you are so used to it. So used to it that you are numb to the side effects and consequences of the act.  Being nice to your enemies, dating people who have cheated on you; making decisions for people because you care more about their opinion of you than you do about the opinion on yourself. So you have to run around acting like nothing is wrong. As you break down because of the toxic rage coursing through your veins......you are surrounded by people who are oblivious to the way you really feel. You hide your emotions from people because the ones that can help charge a fee for helping keep the world from blowing up in chaos. And the one's close to you don't care to help because life right? Every time you close your eyes, you are greeted an eternally angry version of you. Beating at the back of your eyes....

Scrapping with the bro's used to be something that I would avoid when I was younger..... But now I'm like: "what's the best way to make them feel the way I do on a daily basis." Rage, animosity, confusion....not giving a fuck about the way I feel about the abandonment from a decade ago. But just being free from the singular reality on the day to day was enough. Friends creeping with my girls; girls trashing me with the niggas I'd dap up not knowing that these people were watching me struggling to maintain my sanity. Struggling to keep my head up.  And when I find out, I get the: "I don't know how the conversation got started....." And "I just want to let you know..." But I never found out what caused the niggas I'd give my last breath for, to cause them to burn me the way I think. So I now have to peep the moves made when they think I'm not looking.  So the whole loyalty thing is one sided. I get cheated but I can't say anyt