Life As I See It

I listen to you, but you don't listen to me? Word. All to often I talk to people who try to simply skip my issues and try to get theirs solved. Craziness right? Got a girlfriend that cheats on me, won't talk to me. But has the audacity to point out my flaws. Luckily I've developed a way out. Why should I pay for someone who picks and chooses when to pay me attention? But I will say that I am gaining back the self-reliance that I lost in my efforts to make myself available and appealing. That's what I need to understand: I'm appealing based on the way I carry myself.

We now leave in the age where we like to document the events of our lives. I might as well ride the wave: I'd like to talk about the voices that are going through my head when I get mad. The fog that I see when I have had enough of the indecencies of the day the travesty that my situationship is based on. The number of times I kick myself because I see who I want but no matter how much I try to make it apparent, I still fumble and drop the pass. The number of times that I see Leroy, Antonio and/or my Dad, and I want to take my day out on them because 24 hours doesn't begin to tell you how much I have bled out and have tried to stabilize myself and carry on like nothing is going on.

like a hard headed teenager? 🤔 Picture posted makes sense yeah? Growing up in a closed off environment is and was different. I taught me how to be well....me. Ups and downs, I was here for it. I had to be, I didn't have drugs and alcohol to check me out. So I had to practice to make better. Thinking about writing a book, Dia Michelle (I didn't know that I was talking to a famous R&B artist.) Helped consider the seriousness of the thought, I created a book with drawings for publication in 4th grades. S/O to Maria Lazaro for helping me with that back then. I wonder how she's doing. But I've grown right? I mean, compared to where I should have been, versus where I am now. There's a enormous amount of effort implemented. All the abuse and pain.

[This is totally safe to read in public just a risque phrasing.] Here's to me FINALLY dealing with life in a manner that's productive and conducive to learning from my past mistakes. Last night, I was talking to an old friend about the changes I've made in the past 2 years (because you know, time waits for no man). So as I am updating her, I asked: " What the hell? Isn't this the same person who threatened you with a restraining order for touching base and being friendly? So you see Pandora's Box again in 12 years and you open the lid?! " And I had to relax and understand that yes, I did open the box, I'm fully prepared for whatever comes out and in a way I think I always have been. This time around, we are going to do something different: we are going to maintain the energy needed to be friends and remain friends this time around, it doesn't hurt..like at all. So come on Pandora, show me your contents.

The year is 2020.... Place? Atlanta, Georgia.... Heart beating fast, let a nigga know that he's ALIVE......" I was 13, scars on my legs from the whippings from a tired uncle who had only an sliver of acknowledgement of the person that I was becoming. Only thing he could do is make sure that I don't swing left and become a statistic of drugs and crime. Just lost my aunt to renal failure and I was lost. Physically present; but mentally hibernating. As I look at where I was 15 years ago, I can only imagine where I could have been if I had stayed where I was (Dayton, Ohio) As I look at my city, ya know the one they say is filled of crime, uncertainty and bad memories (Atlanta). Only thing I can say is Thank You for the new changes and showing me what NOT to do. Because even though I was beaten, molested, abandoned and alone those first 13 years. Just like how the wounds healed physically, my love for y'all has healed too. I won't forget, but I can forgive. "It'

This feeling is called euphoria eu·pho·ri·a / yo͞oˈfôrēə / Learn to pronounce noun a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness. "the euphoria of success will fuel your desire to continue training" Because this has to be a dream. Don't get me wrong, not every dream has a happy ending. No pot of gold, fairies or princes. And this is one of the most intense euphoric ones. - got a 6.05 million count pandemic on our hands. - 16.8% unemployment rate in the United States alone. - racial division at an all-time high - political and judicial systemic chaos occurring at an all time high average. I, as a black man already have to deal with stereotypical nuances from men, women and children of my own race; but I have to deal with it from others as well? Sic Semper Fidelis [Always loyal; Always Faithful] As the looting and rioting continue, I have to ask: 'as much as I have dealt with in the past 4 years (let alone 27), how can I as a [ black ]   care about

This is a test. It's gotta be, people are dying, folks are getting sick, governments are turning on each other. How are you going to praise someone for their stance, then down them the next? Out of 2.64 million cases WORLD-WIDE, we're responsible for almost a million of them. But you want to open the country for business? Yo, this has to be the scariest thing I have had to live through......

Saw in on a Netflix show called Daybreakers (great show BTW so check it out when you get a chance) the following quote: "Day Dreamer and a Night Thinker". So I began to think about how I've been doing lately. I just reached my 1 year anniversary with my job, saved $4k+ when I move, I have stock options, retirement and then some..... So you'd think I'd be pretty happy about my accomplishments right? Well I am, elated actually. But I'm also realizing that I'm developing a pretty nasty temper. And I mean short and violent. I told an ex friend that I can do magic; if he keeps testing my patience, I'll turn his warm body into a cold one. (Yikes 😳) Pretty sure that I'm going to be told that I'm crazy and I need to seek help. Y'know, the same thing any former foster child is told. But as I'm lying down thinking of why my mind is so clouded by anger. Then it hits me: I'm tired of people having feelings directed TOWARDS me versus having fee