Life As I See It

Call me old fashioned.... But I'm starting feel like courting women with authenticity is really archaic. Me taking her out for that just sex is something is outdated. Me wanting more than just physicalities and 30 minutes of pleasure is something that gets me more denial than anything I've ever tried..... Like I've been pretty chill. Been eually active but I've only had 1 ONS ( and that was this year mind you). And that was enough to keep a mutually desire for each other aflame. But me saying that "I want to get to know you." gets me the shocked face or the "I dont think I'm ready for a relationship." Like are we not adults?? Do I have to start looking for women with kids for any sort of a consistent affection? Or do I have to turn into the Rai's and Yakki's where the only thing I'm interested in are bets and sex? A little on the nose I know but I'm seriously asking: How can I attract someone with the same interests in me ...

[This is totally safe to read in public just a risque phrasing.] Here's to me FINALLY dealing with life in a manner that's productive and conducive to learning from my past mistakes. Last night, I was talking to an old friend about the changes I've made in the past 2 years (because you know, time waits for no man). So as I am updating her, I asked: " What the hell? Isn't this the same person who threatened you with a restraining order for touching base and being friendly? So you see Pandora's Box again in 12 years and you open the lid?! " And I had to relax and understand that yes, I did open the box, I'm fully prepared for whatever comes out and in a way I think I always have been. This time around, we are going to do something different: we are going to maintain the energy needed to be friends and remain friends this time around, it doesn't hurt..like at all. So come on Pandora, show me your contents.

My dad died yesterday..... I got the news today. How do I feel? Numb, not the numbness felt when you hate someone. But the numbness felt when for the first 15 years of experience; everyday was a painful reminder that you were brought into the world alone and that's essentially the same way you'll go out. Phillip Augustus Holmes, was a talented man, a loving husband and a doting father. He taught me how to fish, how to care for dogs and gave me a taste of my old school music. While I was young when I knew him; I'll never forget the time spent at his house listening to records and getting in trouble for opening collectors edition Hot Wheels cars. I remember getting my hair cut (an army crew cut) by him. I remember him introducing me to his wife (Barbara Holiday - who never got the title she deserved.) All this to say, we are committed to the earth. We are born from clay; and to clay we must return..... Ashes to ashes; dust to dust. Rest in Peace and Quiet Father. Yo...

At one point in time, had you had told me that 5 years later I'd be a college graduate with multiple certifications applying to possibly work for the City of Atlanta. I'd look at you like you were facing the left, because there could be no possible way you could be right. But here it is, November 1, 2018; and I'm awaiting my 26th birthday in 7 days and eager to hear from the city to know if I truly made it or not. After dating the one girl that I was practically enamored and on the verge of being obsessed with for years. And lost in a month. I've decided to count my stripes and the blessings from them. At one point in my life, I never knew I would be happy to be a black man in America.

June 8, 2008- I met you with a smile on my face and the cleanest heart possible for someone in my position. Through the ups and downs, I remained ever vigilant to remain the same friend that you needed and but never wanted. 10 years later on July 7, 2018 we got together as a team and briefly faced life as a duo with an incomprehensible amount of energy that went from chaotic to peaceful for awhile....... On August 1, 2018 we split the atom and opened Pandora's box to see what was lain inside of it. Out came a whirlwind of pent up pain and hatred that was donated by you and nurtured by you. Like how a mother nurtures her baby..... On August 18th of the same year, you made it known that you don't want anything to do with me as I don't meet up with your requirements and goals for a man. "It's always dark right before it goes pitch black....." Peace and Devastation......