Life As I See It

Coming to realize that I have been living in a room with no windows and one door. I was reminded just how absolute death is. There's no respawn point. No one ups 🍄 No fairies or potions to revive you. I've always that my death would minimal and not mean much. But in death is when we are remembered most. I'm by no means aiming to die any sooner than predated. And reading the news about all these people dying is something that is scary to me. Instead of asking about them caring for me, I'm asking about what I can do to ensure my survival..... That last page isn't written yet....

"You want this power......then come try to take it....." - Casey Edwards (Bury the Light) I've realized that I am stronger than I have been and weaker than once believe. Our biggest flex is creating a new present where we feel invincible and all powerful. Yeah unfortunately it's never been the case for me. My greatest strength is the fact that while I disturb waves; I don't create tsunami's. So the damage is pretty small. But I get into a disastrous life situation and save people. See, having powers isn't something reserved for men in red boys short and women who look like a poster child for the revolutionary war 🤣. Us normal folks have lot's of powers: Power of choice Power of discretion Power of love For example. My power is a lot stronger than I thought, so I'll use mine to help me and you figure out how we can get it together and change the end result. ✌🏾❣️🤣

As my depression ramps and drags me down for awhile, it's hits me that I have no one to turn to. Those that I can turn to in my inner circle are tired of my musings as I try to figure out wtf I'm doing. And the ones outside of that don't give a fuck about me because they don't know me........ It's traumatizing to feel this way: wanting to break away but not sure who you're saving; them or you. I've never been truly depressed but now I'm not sure why I'm pushing for. I don't want attention but I want to be able to feel like I'm accepted. My Dad looks at me from a place of superiority and shame because of the choice's I've made since the beginning. My friends look at me from a place of detachment because they see who I am, but don't know why I am how I am. My girlfriend is looking at me from a place of distrust because she views me from a place of encompassed hurt, like I'm the one who is going to hurt her next. But at the same