Ventura Highway

As my depression ramps and drags me down for awhile, it's hits me that I have no one to turn to. Those that I can turn to in my inner circle are tired of my musings as I try to figure out wtf I'm doing. And the ones outside of that don't give a fuck about me because they don't know me........

It's traumatizing to feel this way: wanting to break away but not sure who you're saving; them or you. I've never been truly depressed but now I'm not sure why I'm pushing for. I don't want attention but I want to be able to feel like I'm accepted.

My Dad looks at me from a place of superiority and shame because of the choice's I've made since the beginning. My friends look at me from a place of detachment because they see who I am, but don't know why I am how I am. My girlfriend is looking at me from a place of distrust because she views me from a place of encompassed hurt, like I'm the one who is going to hurt her next. But at the same time, I feel the same way about the things she does. (Thanks Darnetta).

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to ride down the highway watching God paint another day for me to get through and remind me how lucky I am to be alive.....

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