Life As I See It

Another moment where I am in a group and I feel alone. Distance between me and fitting in appropriately? Approximately 8 million light-years. Can't explain what I'm feeling or why feel the way that I do. Probably because as a straight black man in America. I'm too weak to be "manly", too strong to be "weak", too weird to be "normal" and too normal to be "weird". Protection aside, I now have to bleed out on my own, kill on my own and live on my own. I do what I can to avoid any assumptions. Doing what I choose is how I am where I am..... Never have I ever been remembered for the smiles and laugh that I caused. Only the pain and devastation.  I am the summation of the flaws, mistakes, tragedies and erroneous claims.

Standing by a bridge that I thought was meant for everyone only to realize that the bridge fell apart as soon as I was preparing to cross over..... As I watch the activity of the other people try to help me cross the gap, I've come to realize that this gap I'm not ready to cross yet...... Realizing this is the frightening epiphany to date, to be a part of a group and still feel alone and withdrawn. To run the risk of being reticuled by multiple people for trying to seek help and reassurance..... As I watch them walk forward and continue the rest of their lives, I'm ok with being able to bask in the darkness of pity for a bit..... Someday I'll be able to take the steps necessary to cross with ease.....