Flixtime my videos

Flixtime my videos: "Let's try this again shall We?"

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ohhhhhhh the ummmmmm

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Another moment where I am in a group and I feel alone. Distance between me and fitting in appropriately? Approximately 8 million light-years. Can't explain what I'm feeling or why feel the way that I do. Probably because as a straight black man in America. I'm too weak to be "manly", too strong to be "weak", too weird to be "normal" and too normal to be "weird". Protection aside, I now have to bleed out on my own, kill on my own and live on my own. I do what I can to avoid any assumptions. Doing what I choose is how I am where I am..... Never have I ever been remembered for the smiles and laugh that I caused. Only the pain and devastation.  I am the summation of the flaws, mistakes, tragedies and erroneous claims.
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How do you feel when you look in the mirror? Regaining one self-confidence.

So I was by one of my friends to do a entry on seeing the you no one else does. Or metaphorically speaking, looking in the mirror. People sometimes look in the mirror in order give themselves a false sense of security (Everythings ok......., He/She's coming back......etc) And I mean sometimes it may work out, but there are "thoses times". The times its that one little that blows your self confidence out the water. The guy who you liked that went with the girl you hate. Or some chick blowing your head up, but only wanted your money. So your egos shot and you have no one to turn to so what do you do? Some lie, some do a self check and "look in the mirror". "But what if I don't like what i see?". Change it, its that simple. If you mean and you know it, start being nice. Or if you are very permiscious, then go celibate. And gradually you will grow to a confident individual. So other than looking in the mirror, what others ways either social or non-soc...
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The Whims of Fate

Everyone belongs to someone right? How is that decided though? By some unspoken relationship algorithm? Some planned coincidence? Through some process orchestrated by the Relationship Cabal (Relatio-uminati??) Someone should look into that last part. But the reason why I brought it up is because as a youth I was always told the cliche: There is someone for everyone . And I look back at past friends and relationships (high school esp) I went through A LOT of them. And as I look back at the Leroy's, Antonio's, Darnetta's, Seyerra's and Ta'Nisha's. I can't help but wonder: did I miss my 'lasting forever'? Granted these people are still around and I'm "grateful" for them but I'm still curious on the permanance of the bonds made..... But on the other hand I wonder if we are simply a part of the Fate sisters boredom and are subject to their whims....... Huh.......things i should really put more thought into......
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