@Dormtainment - The Washing Machine

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Applying Pressure

"Damn, that nigga did it how I always wanted to do it And I'll never be able to do it like that" - Jermaine Cole I do it for myself..... Because who's really watching my playbook? No seriously, like who really cares if my plays make or take money? As I sit and wonder what's next I realize that I am someone who applies pressure in my imagination. Not because I'm the only one watching; because I'm the only participating in the races that I run. I am my only competition in my opinion. Because whether I do too much or I don't do enough, I'm the only person hit by the shots fired. Granted I'm A LOT more quiet now. (I got all the poppin' off in high school to and about people I could a fuck about.....) But it's funny how people get involved in other folks business and stay talking about how they don't have the money they want. "Do what the song say or else it'll be a long day. BE Easy!" - T.I.
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ohhhhhhh the ummmmmm

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Another moment where I am in a group and I feel alone. Distance between me and fitting in appropriately? Approximately 8 million light-years. Can't explain what I'm feeling or why feel the way that I do. Probably because as a straight black man in America. I'm too weak to be "manly", too strong to be "weak", too weird to be "normal" and too normal to be "weird". Protection aside, I now have to bleed out on my own, kill on my own and live on my own. I do what I can to avoid any assumptions. Doing what I choose is how I am where I am..... Never have I ever been remembered for the smiles and laugh that I caused. Only the pain and devastation.  I am the summation of the flaws, mistakes, tragedies and erroneous claims.
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If it is to be.....

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Then it's up to me right?.... Short answer: absolutely! Because if a process that benefits you doesn't start with you, then who? All to often did (and sometimes I still do) have the expectations for a process to be started and reluctant to start or continue the same process by myself. Saving. School. Relationships. Friendships Etc. Butttttt.... while I can't speak with or for everyone, I'll give some advice: If it's not on a tight deadline; some progress is better than no progress. Practice makes better, not perfect. You are your biggest critic, so be nice to you. Eat, drink and sleep with tomorrow in mind.
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