Piece of Mind?

As I sit here at 6:53 in the morning, tears rolling down my face. Letting the dark thoughts out to give me some company.

My brothers are so happy chasing women and money to pay for the situations purchased. Stockpiling resources while dealing with the hidden fees of LIFE, PRIDE and PREJUDICE.......bills right?

Father's so caught up with dating and "finding himself" that he doesn't notice that his 'kid' has been teetering and tottering on suicide for years. Because while I help others out, my feelings are minimized and encapsulated with the label "not my problem" that it's becoming a familiar presence like my shadow. 

The things that I do are so often viewed as 'attention seeking', 'evil', 'mean spirited' or a bevy of decentralized adjectives that are way easier to throw out without realizing that in order to believe a label; one must experience it first-hand, that I'm often feeling like a smooth criminal......

Ex wants to be a 'friend' while thinking the worst me as a person. I wonder how many people are silently judging me and my actions. Or just tolerate me as the 'needy MF with health issues'.....

My inadequacies are boiling over because I don't have an outlet to drain them out. Granted I have a wonderful person that I am getting to know versus the other where everything ends up in a slew of accusations and me somehow feeling like I'm the worst person ever.

So as I push through this post, I can't help but think that I am too good to be depressed while simultaneously berating myself for the hypocrisy.

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